Journal Decan

 Thank you... 

 Who?  Who is the one to be "home"?  Who is the one to "understand"?  Who is the one to "care"?  Year by year passed Do I still seek for "the one"?  Knowing that other people have their "home", why I never get "the one"?  Why?  But, I don't want to blame this situation. It seems like I'm lacking of gratefulness.  But, sometimes....  I need the one to be "home" for me to tell all my hurdles, my tears, and heartbroken.  I don't wanna lie to myself. I need someone to lean on.  Then, I realize....  I can't force situation and people to understand me, to be my "home". Only Alloh....  "The One WHO" Understand....  3.39 p.m. Semarang,  March 31, 2022

 Bukan Hanya.  Ternyata, hidup itu bukan hanya tentang diri kita.   Ada hati yang perlu dijaga, ada jiwa yang perlu diperhatikan.  Egois rasanya jika hanya diri kita yang bahagia, tapi orang-orang terdekat kita merasa kesulitan sendiri.  Semakin dewasa,  Aku mulai menyadari bahwa aku itu tidak hidup sendiri, aku yang sekarang "ada" karena perantara orang tuaku dan saudara-saudaraku.  Aku tidak boleh egois, hanya mementingkan kebahagiaan dan kepuasan diriku tanpa melihat mata mereka.  Aku memang mempunyai impian yang ingin dicapai, sedih rasanya memang apabila impian itu terpendam karena keterbatasan, tapi apakah lebih sedih lagi apabila hanya diri kita yang bahagia, sedangkan keluarga kita merasakan kesulitan? Tega namanya.  Semakin dewasa,  Aku mulai menyadari bahwa bukan hanya diri kita yang punya masalah, bukan hanya diri kita yang punya kesulitan, bukan hanya diri kita yang punya cobaan, bukan hanya diri kita yang perlu dipahami, yan...

There will always a feeling that you can't understand clearly.  You just feel empty and wanna cry.  All of the external situation is actually okay.  But, you're not okay within.  You just want to let your emotion, your tears and feeling go out from within your heart.  Nobody knows, but Allah knows.  I know that, but at the same time, I forget that.  *** Is it okay to feel not okay today?  Yes, It's totally okay. You're human. Get some rest and take some energies.  *** Mom said, it's okay to feel sad, but always put trust on Allah that all of the situations we're facing now is actually the best condition for us, accept that and be Ikhlas. Trust Him.  Ily Allah loves you Your parents love you They love you And you're worth to be loved Big hug for you....  11.00 p.m.  March 19, 2022 I Semarang